Tread Lightly

Life and work are counterintuitive a lot of the time. I have spent the last two days staring at a blank screen scavenging to find the words to communicate the ideas in my mind, and all I have to show for it is the worn-down "delete" key on my computer. I can proudly say that in the process I didn't waste two trees' worth of paper, but without a full trashcan, I lack the comfort of tangible time spent. The hours I have spent are reflected in a blank page, a silhouette of failure and a reminder of possibility. When I sit down to write, I always have the goal of creating something greater than myself, and I believe in the power of my words. If words are the means of communicating ideas then I choose to use them strategically and not sparsely. I have high expectations for myself, and while this is a redeeming quality it can be equally as challenging.

I am a perfectionist, and by definition that means I refuse to accept anything other than perfection. This desire for perfectionism often reaps complications, in this case, an empty page or time that seems to have lost its value is compensatory for setting the bar a little too high. I find that there is a paradoxical relationship in which the harder I try, the harder things seem to be. It seems that the cost of perfectionism is often my self-inflicted paralysis. Aldous Huxley, author of Brave New World, said "It's dark because you are trying too hard. Lightly child, lightly. Learn to do everything lightly. Yes, feel lightly even though you are feeling deeply." As illogical as it may sound, there may be some truth to this statement. As in my case, I will spend hours writing and rewriting a couple of sentences, looking for a sentence that is worthy of making the fat lady sing and come up empty. By setting the bar a little too high, I am sure to pale in comparison.

I think there is a lot of wisdom to gain from Huxley's words, especially for all my perfectionists. I had been working on a few other blog ideas before this, but I kept finding myself at a crossroads. I decided that I must write with no worry of how it sounds, and this is the blog that came as a result. In the future, I must learn to separate myself from the idea of perfection and the result and simply write. Instead of attempting to attain perfection on the first go-through, you just have to do the work, good or bad. Just as a sculptor does not swing the hammer expecting excellence from a single strike, I shouldn't expect magnificence at the drop of a hat. In essence, this blog is a reminder to just do the work first and worry about perfection later. As Huxley said learn to do everything lightly.